LET”S REREAD HOMESTUCK P7Posted: April 26, 2016
We resume reading Homestuck!
>Meanwhile, in the past again.
You’re almost done patching up the hole in your window with the GAFFER TAPE.
But it’s sort of hard to get any work done when people keep pestering you all day. You guess you better get that.
Patching up a hole in a window, Dave? And immediately after doing this you talk with Jade? Why Noo… I’m sure this isn’t foreshadowing at all.
GG: so have you talked to john today???
TG: yeah we were just talking a while ago about how he sucks at his sylladex
TG: can you believe he uses stack that kid is ridiculous
GG: well that doesnt sound like much fun!
TG: what was it you use again…
TG: wait nm
TG: i forgot whenever we talk about your goofy modusses i get a migrane. what do you want with john
GG: i want to tell him happy birthday and ask him about his birthday package!
TG: oh yeah
TG: i was being sort of cagey and told him to check the mail cause i was wondering if mine came yet
GG: i think it did!
GG: and i think mine came too
TG: so uh
TG: i guess you want to know if he likes it or something?
GG: he will not open it
GG: he will lose it!!!
TG: wow sorry to hear that i guess?
GG: no its good actually!
GG: because he will find it again later when he really needs it
GG: which of course is why i sent it in the first place!
TG: see like
TG: i never get how you know these things
GG: i dont know
GG: i just know that i know!
TG: hmm alright
Here Jade is working in her aspect of Space, even if it is through Time… she’s setting the stage without knowing it.
GG: anyway i have to go!
GG: i have to feed bec which is always a bit of an undertaking
TG: if i were you i would just take that fucking devilbeast out behind the woodshed and blow its head off
GG: i dont think i could if i tried!!!
TG: say hi to your grand dad for me too ok
GG: yes i guess an encounter with him is almost certain
GG: it is usually……..
TG: well yeah isnt it always with family
TG: but he sounds like a total badass
GG: yeah he totally is!!!
GG: anyway gotta go!
TG: see ya
…Oh Jade. Why must you lie…
Also, our first hints of Jake Harley, and we’re told he sounds like a total badass.
…And Dave continues to be a dork by captchalogueing his phone, and getting a towel to the face.
We return to Future…present?.. John to briefly check in on Future Dave.
TG: im out of my room now looking for my bros game
EB: oh, good!
EB: yeah, there is no sign of rose yet, i hope she is ok
TG: well if she comes back ill be ready
TG: you better know what youre talking about cause this could get ugly
TG: brought my phone and i also took my awesome katana with me in case things get too hot to handle
TG: and they always do
EB: you mean that cheap piece of shit you have on your wall?
TG: its sharp and its awesome and its a sword
TG: end of story
I was recently informed that Katanas are shit weapons prone to breaking in half.
TG: skepticism is the crutch of cinematic troglodytes
TG: like hey mom dad theres a dinosaur or a ghost or whatever in my room. “yeah right junior go back to bed”
TG: fuck you mom and dad how many times are we going to watch this trope unfold it wasnt goddamn funny the first time i saw it
TG: just once id like to see dad crap his pants when a kid says theres a vampire in his closet
TG: “OH SHIT EVERYONE IN THE MINIVAN”
TG: be fuckin dad of the year right there
Of course, we’ll never see this because most people end up being stupid and pretend that they’re in the wrong movie genre.
TG: yeah bullshit
TG: cal is dope
TG: puppets are awesome
TG: john egbert blows
TG: the end
EB: yeah, more like the opposite of all those things is the thing that is true!
John has it more correct than he realizes.
And so we get our first look at Mom!Roxy!
I still have to wonder WHERE she gets the BEAUTIFUL PONY from. … or well, I actually don’t. We see Roxy do this exact same thing in Collide, except with generic objects.
It looks like MOM has satisfied her STRIFE! quota for the day. She simply returns to her housework.
No point in going out the front door anymore. Might as well head out the back, like you originally planned.
>Rose: First, be the pony. Second, trample Mom.
You can’t be this stupid pony, and frankly you can’t imagine why anyone would want to!
But you give the pony a begrudging pat on the snout anyway.
Her name is MAPLEHOOF.
John fights an imp. There is nothing to see here.
Okay, now. NOW we’re going to get some Act 7 Foreshadowing, aren’t we? Or did we do that lilac page already? *can’t remember*
You leave through the back door.
Nearby is the TRANSFORMER which distributes electricity from the UNDERGROUND GENERATOR powered by the river flowing beneath your house.
The transformer was struck by lightning though, and no longer works. You wonder if your mother has any plans to have it fixed. You guess she’d rather just play her mind games in a dark house like a weirdo.
You can see the MAUSOLEUM and the PORTABLE GENERATOR across your back yard. You’re almost there.
Hmm… Yeah, no, I’m drawin a blank here for Act 7. I want to say maybe… Retroactive Foreshadowing from Post Game Over? The Session/Generator is BROKEN, and are there plans to fix it? maybe through some odd Mind Games….?
Nah, that’s stretching it a bit thin.
John fights the Imp some more…then PUTS THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX.
Now why couldn’t he put the bunny back in the box?
Because it was an Imp, John?
John’s Modus card was broken during the fight, but he manages to fix the hammer by putting the heads back onto the poles… Yeah, nope. no way this is Retcon foreshadowing.
>Rose: Defile tomb.
Sorry, Jaspers. Have to make space for the LAPTOP.
Besides, your final resting place is already a mockery. You should have decomposed years ago under a bed of petunias like a normal cat. Not given to a taxidermist and fitted with a tiny, custom-tailored suit, and then stuffed in a coffin built for infants.
Roxy and her funerals. T_T
…John then gets a bucket on the head by way of his dead grandmother
II’m nnot ggoing tto ssubjject yyou tto tthe wwarbly rrecord.
TG: oh there you are
TG: john said your house was burning down are you on fire yet or what
TT: No. For now I have retired to the safety of a smaller building which is much closer to the forest fire threatening my residence.
TG: oh well thats a relief
TG: john told me to get the game to help get you out of there so im working on that now
TT: Working on it?
TG: yeah my bros copy long story
TG: dont tell john this but i think he might have been right about the puppets
TG: theyre sort of starting to freak me out a little
TT: You’re referring to your brother’s collection?
TG: i mean dont get me wrong i think its cool and all
TG: the semi-ironic puppet thing or whatever
TG: or semi-semi ironic
TG: man i dont even know
TG: im just starting to think some of this shit is going a little far and its kind of fucked up
TT: I’ve seen his websites.
TT: I like them.
TG: haha yeah well YOU WOULD
TG: oh man i wish lil cal wouldnt look at me like that
TG: with those dead eyes jesus
TG: sometimes i dream that hes real and hes talking to me and i wake up in a cold sweat and basically flip the fuck out
TG: oh god why did i just tell you my dream
TG: youre going to have a field day with that
HAHA. Dave, you’ve made your first steps towards independence!
TT: I am currently scrawling notes furiously into one of the many psychoanalysis journals I maintain for you. Published papers forthcoming.
TT: Because, you know, it’s not like either of us have anything better to do at the moment than to evaluate each other’s radically debilitating pathologies.
TG: yeah im gonna get moving
TG: oh have you heard from john
TG: hes not answering me
TT: He won’t answer me either.
TT: But I am watching him.
TT: I suspect he is preoccupied with the fact that he just had a bucket of water dumped on his head by the ghost of his dead grandmother, who also happens to be dressed like a clown.
TG: alright im out
He doesn’t even question it.
NANNASPRITE: Your father was kidnapped!
JOHN: oh no!
NANNASPRITE: When you crossed over to The Medium, he was apprehended by the very forces of darkness which your presence here has awakened.
JOHN: what? ok, so what is the medium you are talking about?
NANNASPRITE: It is where we are now! A realm that is a ring of pure void, dividing light and darkness. It turns in the thick of The Incipisphere, a place untouched by the flow of time in your universe.
this music gives me chills. It’s cut scenes like this that tell me that this really is what Homestuck was meant to be about first and foremost. The Creation Myth.
NANNASPRITE: Above The Medium, beyond The Seven Gates, residing at the core of The Incipisphere is a place known as Skaia.
NANNASPRITE: Legend holds that Skaia exists as a dormant crucible of unlimited creative potential. What does this mean, you ask? I’m afraid my lips are sealed about that, dear! Hoo hoo!
NANNASPRITE: But needless to say, where a realm of such profound importance is concerned, forces of light will forever be charged with its defense, while forces of darkness will just as persistently covet its destruction!
Of course, naturally.
NANNASPRITE: And as it so happens, at the center of this realm whose fate is in question, these very forces duel on a stage, stuck in eternal stalemate.
NANNASPRITE: Yes, they have dueled in this manner forever… that is, until you showed up!
As it always goes.
…Okay screw it i aint doing all this underlining shit.
NANNASPRITE: Before your mishap with my ashes, you may recall the Sprite’s previous incarnation, which resulted from its Kernel’s “hatching”.
NANNASPRITE: You see, this hatching occurs automatically in response to your arrival! The result is a pair of Kernels, one dark, one light, each carrying the information they were prototyped with before the hatch!
NANNASPRITE: One goes down, to a kingdom entrenched in darkness. The other, up, to a kingdom basking in light! Each comes to rest in an Orb atop a Spire, of which there are three others in kind. The Four Spires are situated above a throne, and these two thrones preside over the two respective Sovereign Powers!
NANNASPRITE: And once the Kernels are situated, that is when the game is afoot. The true war begins, light versus dark, good versus evil.
NANNASPRITE: This is a war that the forces of light are always destined to lose, without exception!
WV, of course, knows this well.
None of this IS news to WV, though, is it?
JOHN: wow, really? then what’s the point?
NANNASPRITE: That remains for you to find out, dear! For you see, the journey you are about to take is The Ultimate Riddle!
NANNASPRITE: For now, your objective is to proceed towards Skaia, and pass through The First Gate situated directly above your house, not even terribly far! The Gates will become progressively more difficult to reach, so you had better be prepared to sharpen your adventuring skills!
JOHN: how am i supposed to get up there?
NANNASPRITE: You build!
What’s the point indeed.
JOHN: ok, i think i get it now!
JOHN: so i guess the battle against good and evil is sort of irrelevant? well, i don’t know, that all sounds kind of weird, but in any case, we build the house to get to these gates, and then i can save my dad!
NANNASPRITE: Yes, John!
JOHN: and then after that, we solve this ultimate riddle thing and save earth from destruction!!!
NANNASPRITE: Oh no, I’m afraid not!
NANNASPRITE: Your planet is done for, dear! There is nothing you can do about that!
NANNASPRITE: Your purpose is so much more important than saving that silly old planet, though!
JOHN: and that is?
NANNASPRITE: HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!
John just deflates. It’s so sad.
Nannasprite is a bit of a troll though and she leaves to go get cookies.
WV’s hunger wants John to get cookies.
He flips out. Ect. Ect…
What I find interesting is THIS PAGE.
Oh is that so, Jaspers? And just who do you think you’re looking at with that smug grin???
The last thing you need is sass from a dead cat. It’s pretty much all his fault you’re in this mess in the first place, so he can just button it.
I’m almost tempted to say that this is foreshadowing for Jasprosesprite… but it’s definitely foreshadowing for the immediate future.
>FOR THE LAST TIME I COMMAnd you to get the cookies boy
CapLock slip, So ADORBS.
And now we get dave’s page.
Dude, that bird is long gone. It probably won’t last long in this heat anyway.
You don’t even know what’s up with this sick heat. The sun threatens to set but won’t step off. It’s staring you down, like the big red eye of a hot needle skipping on a groove its tracing ’round the earth. While lingering in midair its heat seems to suspend time itself, stretching it like warped vinyl. It’s meant to rain this season but there ain’t been a drop in sight. Even a little drizzle would help. Might help to fizzle this sizzle a little bizzle, set the record straight on this global turn-tizzle.
“So don’t change the dizzle, turn it up a little
I got a living room full of fine dime brizzles
Waiting on the Pizzle, the Dizzle and the Shizzle
G’s to the bizzack, now ladies here we gizzo
When the pimp’s in the crib ma
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot
Drop it like it’s hot…”
-English Romantic poet, John Keats
Ironically, I think this is more foreshadowing for Davesprite than Dave himself. We never actually get Dave fighting Lord English proper- instead it’s just a Bodyjacked Jack. Davesprite, tho… becomes Davepeta, who then actually DOES fight Lord English for a time. Dave’s whole arc is about being a hero, however. Somewhere along the line after he enters the Medium, he begins to think of himself as not being a Hero. Even Davesprite has a version of this, but it’s more tied to his doomed timeline origin.
You know, It’s-
You stand in the living room. Your BRO spends most of his days in here. At night he crashes on the FUTON over there. You don’t see him anywhere though.
Wait. Can that be..?
There’s the PUPPET CHEST he stores LIL’ CAL in when he takes him out on gigs. But when he’s home he usually leaves CAL on display somewhere.
It’s a freaking JUJU CHEST. Given that this is where Lil’Cal is introduced, and Hussie likely has an idea of what Lord English DOES look like… plus we’ve already had it described as having “Dead Eyes”…
I’m not surprised in the LEAST that this LilCal Chest is the same shape and size of Calliope and Caliborn’s JujU chests.
It’s your brother’s MR. T PUPPET, which of course is kept in the apartment with a sense of profound humorous irony. But as usual with your BRO’s exploits, this is no ordinary irony, or anything close to a pedestrian TIER 1 IRONIC GESTURE which is a meager single step removed from sincerity. This is like ten levels of irony removed from the original joke. It might have been funny like eight years ago to joke about Mr. T and how he was sort of lame, but that was the very thing that made him awesome and badass, and that his awesomeness was also sort of the joke. But in this case, the joke is the joke, and that degree of irony itself is ALSO the joke, and so on.
…The first time I went through these pages, I pretty much was as freaked out as Dave becomes.
It looks like your BRO was playing. It’s not like him to leave in the middle of some totally intense gaming.
…Cue Lil’Cal. WELL DAMN. That sure was a Pool Pun I didnt think was a pun.
Oh there you are dude. Didn’t see you there.
Dave resumes his Bro’s game.
You start thrashing up stunts something uncannybrutal on your quest for “MAD SNACKS YO” and get this way rude hunger under control. Shit is basically flying off the hook. It’s like shit wants nothing to do with that hook. The hook is dead to that shit.
But you get stuck in some poorly modeled 3D fixture or something. Like a railing or a piece of the wall? You’ll have to reset.
…I feel like this is foreshadowing for the Retcon… or maybe the Scratch. I dunno.
>Dave: Look at your brother’s computer.
I like how it’s both a HAT and the SHADES on this screen. I have to wonder how much of B2 Dirk is existing in how Hussie writes B1 Bro at this point?
It just Dont Stop.
…Complete Bullshit. I know there’s a Skaianet.com page on there somewhere, but I can’t read what it says beyond “Beta Release.”
Oh, here’s a dating of SBAHJ’s release. Apparently this was the latest one?? 0_o Well, that’s handy to know, I suppose.
You guess you’ve messed around on his computer long enough. Better get a move on before it’s too late for Rose, or worse yet, your BRO catches you.
Nice time management skills, bro.
But my God… the rumps. They are transfixing.
You know this is ironic and all, and your BRO reaches echelons of irony you could only dream of daring to fathom. But on rare occasions, when your guard is down, it all seems just a tad unsettling to you.
Those EYES. *SHUDDERS*
Hussie is really playing up the creepy puppet angle here. There’s no way this wasn’t actually intentional foreshadowing placed for Lord English. Just. DAMN.
TG: hey what is up
TG: what happened with the monster that is totally definitely in your room did you kill it
TG: where are you man
TG: things are cool here
TG: totally cool
TG: puppets are still awesome
TG: no problems with them or anything
TG: really really awesome
…Dave, you’re starting to slip up here. Your mask is slipping….
Rose drops the PUNCH DESIGNIX… and I believe this a good place to stop for now.