Xros Wars AU 02 — CH27



Pardon that, I just ate dinner and felt that it needed to be said.

Also, if you’re reading this, quick heads up that after *THIS* is posted, I’ll be getting Chapter 59 uploaded to FF.net either tonight or sometime tomorrow.

THAT said: Chapter 27 is GO with a signature COLD OPEN!

And I mean that literally.


The Snow fell quietly onto the quiet, Gingerbread city, not a creature was stirring…

Excluding the rats from the Bagura Empire.

Monzaemon marched the streets, patrolling, looking for anyone from the Zone who might have escaped their previous searches. “Foot. Foot. Foot foot foot.” They chanted to themselves as they marched underneath the massive Bagura Empire flag that was flapping in the wind. “Foot. Foot. Foot foot foot.”

Meanwhile, inside the Zone’s Central Tower’s highest room, the Zone’s commander stared out over the Sugar encrusted land. “Tactimon’s plan to lure Xros Heart here with those rabbits had better work…” a smile broke out on his face. “I’m getting hungry…” and then he licked his lips. “Oley!”

Also- that food joke to open this live blog with was completely unintentional. Dang it, well timed coincidences!!

*cue Title theme*

“Sweets Showdown! Akari the Chef?”

Back to the quotes, I see, past me.

*cue Kougeki Kaishi*


“RELOAD!” Taiki called out as he and Dorulumon ran towards the source of the Melody. “CHIBIKAMEMON!”

“Kame!” The turtle digimon reloaded in mid air, doing a quick back flip before landing on Dourlumon’s back. “What’s up!”

“We’re nearing a river.” Taiki said quickly. “We heard another melody!”

“Like with Knight-Otou-san?” ChibiKamemon asked.

“Exactly!” Dorulumon raised an eyebrow. “and ‘dad’? Seriously?”

“So you want me on hand if the Melody’s underwater again?” the boy asked. “And he’s more like an uncle! But “otou-san” flows better, like Shouto-nii-san!”

“Ah, gotcha.” The wolf nodded quickly.

ChibiKamemon here is going off of phonetics. “Night-o-tou-san” and “Shou-to-nii-san” is how he’s pronouncing those. Also, Taiki’s thinking ahead this time, just in case he has to go under-water again. Otherwise, this was just an excuse to give the turtle some screen time.

Taiki narrowed his eyes as the Melody pulsed through the air again. “We’re close!”

They cleared the forest, entering the brief clearing that was made due to the river crossing through, and directly on the other side of the river bank, easily accessible via the bridge a few yards further down-stream, was a pulsating blur of blue static.

Not one to waste time, Taiki immediately transformed his legs into their ‘jumping’ mode and easily crossed the river, pulling out his Xros Loader as he did so. “Revive!” He threw the screen towards the Static burst.

Not even a second passed before the static burst glowed green and flew into the Xros Loader.

Nice save with the Generator Rex powers.

A Minute later, everyone else that had been following them caught up.

“Taiki…” Shoutmon panted. “Don’t do that!”

“Did you find the Digimon?” Akari asked.

“I did.” Taiki nodded as he looked down at the Xros Loader. “It should be more stable now…” he looked around briefly for Cutemon, then motioned the healer over.

“Reload!”Taiki reloaded the formerly blue blur of static, now a solid Digimon. He looked like a child sized, humanoid lion with white fur and blue armor and had a small sword attached to the belt around his waist.

Lunamon, who had followed them out of sheer curiosity, gasped. “It’s Spadamon!”

Sparrowmon, who had been dragged along by Nene, also gasped. “Jaspers!”

The two of them shared a confused glance before turning their attention back to the Digimon Cutemon was already healing up.

I didn’t get WHY Taiki reloaded Spadamon so soon! It seemed to me that the Xros Loader would have been the best place for him, buuuut….Cutemon’s gotta remind us about his healing powers.

Also: Spadamon is the boy from Lunamon’s dreams, as WELL as a fellow test subject from Heaven Zone, for Sally.

“Jaspers” is a shout out to Homestuck’s Certain Cat: Jaspers! But otherwise holds no relation- Homestuck was just where I heard that name from in ‘recent’ times enough for it to stick into my memory.

A few minutes later, Spadamon’s eyes opened to meet a pair of familiar blue ones. “Sparrow?” he blinked. “What the hell…?”

“Good to see you too!” The digi-girl said with a laugh.

“Anyone care to fill me in here?” Beelzebmon asked, crossing his arms.

“Jaspers…Spadamon…” Sparrowmon began before transforming into her human form. “Is like me.”

“He’s a weapon digimon then?” Taiki asked.

“Yeah.” Sally nodded. “He ran off during the escape, and I never found out where he went to… I thought he was dead, to be honest.”

“Yeah, real nice thoughts about your cell-mate.” The digimon muttered as he inspected his sword and armor.

“You try keeping track of twenty scarred kids while leading an escape.” Sally shot him a look over her shoulder before sighing. “But I’m glad, atleast, that you’re okay.”

“I am now!” Spadamon said with a nod. “I can’t believe my luck! I come looking for the legendary “Xros Heart” and instead I end up finding the one girl who can track down anyone in the entire Digital World!”

“Ah, hate to burst your bubble.” Shoutmon smirked. “But you’ve already found ’em.”

The bear blinked, then looked up at Sally. “You?” He pointed at Shoutmon. “With them?” and then he pointed at Taiki. “And They being Xros Heart?”

Sally nodded. “Yup.”

Spadamon stared for a moment.

“Wow.” he said finally. “And here I was imagining something a bit less…Unorganized.”


Spadamon recoiled from the self-healing punch from Cutemon, stumbling back and tripping over a small rock before falling into the river.

“Cutemon!” Dorulumon sighed as ChibiKamemon jumped in to fish the Hybrid out of the river.

“We are NOT unorganized!” the little warrior crossed his arms and huffed.

Spadamon gets what’s coming to him for that comment. Xros Heart is as organized as haphazard organizations come! …Wait.

Anyways, ChibiKamemon pulls someone out of the river.

Minutes later, Xros Heart was rocketing across the Airspace towards Sweets Zone.

And I do mean Rocketing. Sally, Nene, Zenjirou, and Spadamon were riding atop Sally’s hoverboard while Taiki flew along side them on his jet wings, absentmindedly tinkering with Nene’s Xros Loader.

Let me just stop this just here for a moment.

Spadamon is out in the AIRSPACE, unaffected by the corrosive data effects.

How? Why? I do not know.

Anyways, by being connected to Sally, Jaspers here already has a larger backstory than his canon counterpart. He’s also a bit…. snarky, I think is the word?

“Bagura took over around a week ago.” Spadamon was explaining. “Tactimon lead the force himself, making sure that everyone who lived in the Zone was under control. I tried to fight them off, but…” he sighed. “I got beaten back at every turn.”

“It’s not your fault.” Sally began.

“It is!” the tiny warrior clenched his eyes shut. “If I hadn’t, then…then…!” he sniffed. “Then they wouldn’t have brought in Matadormon.”

“Matadormon?” Zenjirou asked. “Who’s that?”

For the first time in what seemed like forever, Kotemon, inside Zenjirou’s Xros Loader, spoke up. “I Know about him. Lousy cheating jerk that one.”

Zenjirou stared at his Xros Loader for a moment, before grinning. “Hey! About time you came out of your shell!”

“Oh ha ha, mister funny bones.” Kotemon growled. “You may have beaten me at my own game, and somehow purified me back to my child-self, but keep that up and I won’t tell you anything.”

“Sorry sorry.” Zenjirou glanced over at Nene, who shrugged. “You were saying?”

Kotemon- former Bagura Zone Commander MUSYAMON- is now FREELY talking to Xros Heart about his rival, Matadormon! Giving us the backstory on this guy in a quick and easy manner!

And it gives Kotemon a reason to trust Xros Heart enough to begin a Heel Face Turn, which is a bit of a running theme in this story of Bagura goons turning their backs on the empire.

I really took Dorulumon’s backstory and ran with it, didn’t I?

“Matadormon and I had a…fierce rivalry as we climbed the ranks during the first few years of the Empire.” Kotemon began. “He’s a sore loser. Every time I came CLOSE to beating him at something, somehow, some way, he would just one-up me and make me seem like the fool!” the anger coming from Kotemon’s younger voice would have been more fitting on Musyamon, but, alas, beggars can’t be choosers. “I would have been Tactimon’s top general instead of Blastmon’s if that shit-eating scum-bag hadn’t made me look like an IDIOT!” Everyone was staring at the dark Green Xros Loader as the Digimon inside rambled on. “You know what he did? Do you? Day before final selection, he made this STUPIDfruit cake and left it on my desk, faking a note from one of my subordinates ‘wishing’ me the ‘best of luck!’ So I ate it and-what do you know- I ended up coming down with food poisoning and missed the entire selection ceremony!”

“Sounds like the guy alright.” Spadamon nodded in agreement. “He’s got this thing about tricking people into thinking he’ll let them go with a warning if they come in peacefully, then he gives ’em something to eat and BAM, you never hear from them again ’cause they got dragged down to the dungeon level!”

“Ohhhh that’s him alright!” Kotemon agreed with a venomous tone dripping off of his words. “The jerk is, like,OBSESSED with food for some stupid reason! He’s offed his own soldiers with poisoned sandwiches and muffins just because they made his coffee wrong!”

Overkill much? This was also written before we were told how EVIL Chefs were in the Homestuck, post scratch earth, universe…I think.

Pretty sure anyways.

“Well…” Spadamon continued. “He came in and made it really hard for us to do anything but get arrested.” He growled, clenching his hands into fists. “What’s more, Tactimon had this HUGE crate delivered to the Zone after he took over, and when Matadormon took over control, he completely locked Tactimon out of the project!”

“He locked Tactimon out of his own project?” Nene asked.

“Somehow!” Spadamon nodded. “I was hiding in the cabinet when it happened. Tactimon was not amused by it at all.”

“What is this project of his anyways?” Sally asked.

“Something called ‘Giga-Break’.” Spadamon replied.

“Break…?” Taiki frowned…


The Digimon had a name printed on the side: BREAKDRAMON.

“Grand Nine?”


“Breakdramon?” Taiki blinked.

And now the Foreshadowing is TWO FOLD. B-) Anyways, Tactimon is locked out of his own project? I wonder what it could be~!! (maintaining a stable time loop is what.)

‘You think that’s what it was?’ Hephaestus thought to the boy.

‘Could be…’ Taiki mused. ‘Oh, by the way, you’ve been awfully quiet.’

‘Meh.’ the Denizen shrugged. ‘Just watching you at work is all.’

‘I’ve been meaning to ask…’ Taiki asked. ‘Do you know what’s up with the Melody thing?’

‘I didn’t hear anything, actually.’Hephaestus replied. ‘Whatever it is you and Dorulumon are hearing isn’t my doing.’

‘Weird.’ and with that, Taiki turned his attention back to working on Nene’s Xros Loader.

And now we find out that Taiki, and Dorulumon too, is just SPECIAL. Something about him is UNIQUE that Hephaestus- who SHARES THE SAME MIND with Taiki- DOES. NOT. HAVE. Therefore: It is NOT Hephaestus’ powers at work. Though I *could* have written it that they were and thus: HEY! Plot hole filled! MEH.


The Melody thing is *ACTUALLY* brought up in that Video Game: RE: DIGITIZE. This thing is, and someone tell me if I’m mis-remembering this please, that a kid with a decent soul (or something) is able to connect with Digimon in a way that others cannot, and so ‘hears’ their soul!

But this isn’t MY logic here. I have NO CLUE what the Melody thing is in relation to Taiki/Hephaestus or if he even RETAINS that power post Cascade Side A.

I *am* tempted to use it as foreshadowing later on, however, now that I think about it….But yeah, I don’t get the Melody thing either.



The green portal of Zone Transferring opened, depositing everyone down on the sugar-snow covered ground of Sweets Zone.

“It’s cold…” Shoutmon said as he and the others re-loaded. “Really cold.”

“You could say that again.” Akari frowned as she rubbed her arms. “I wish I had my jacket still…”

“It’s usually warm.” Spadamon began. “Despite the snow, somehow. But ever since Bagura took over…” he shuddered, not from the cold, however.

“Let’s get moving.” Taiki said with a frown.

Akari is still *Shrunken*, by the way. She has *not* returned to normal despite Wizardmon’s help. The reason for this reminder is because of the fact that she REGAINS her human form at the end of the chapter.

“I’m not liking this.” Dorulumon frowned as they walked through the empty streets. Cutemon, Lopmon, and Lunamon, all riding on his back, shared uneasy glances with each other. “I’m not liking this one bit.”

“Ch.” Shoutmon smirked. “We’ll be fine as long as we stick to the plan.”

“Plans can go wrong easily.” Spadamon replied. “They usually do.”

“Sooo…” Shoutmon began after a moment of silence. “You and Sparrowmon seem like close friends.”

“When you’ve got your legs chained up together for weeks on end, you tend to get close.” Spadamon frowned. “I wouldn’t say we’re friends though.”

“Why’s that?”

“She was always closer to Millianna and her brother than to me.” Spadamon said. “Girls, I guess?” he shrugged. “Not that I ever made much of an effort to get to know her beyond what we had.”

“So…” Shoutmon cast a glance over at Taiki, who seemed to be distracted with talking to Zenjirou about something. “Did she ever show any…ah…romantic interests in anyone?”

“Romantic?” Spadamon raised an eyebrow. “Sparrow? Are you joking?” Shoutmon’s face remained neutral. “BFFFTWHAHAHA!” Spadamon began laughing. “Oh man! Hell no! She wasn’t into that kind of thing and I doubt she ever would be!”

Speaking of stable time loops (The Tactimon thing above), Shoutmon here is now ACTING on the vision he saw in the last zone, thanks to the time storms. Also, Spadamon acts just how a younger brother would about his sister!

(They’re not related though.)

“Oi, Oi, keep it down.” Shoutmon glanced over to Taiki again, still distracted and didn’t even notice Spadamon’s outburst. “I’m only asking because of something I saw recently…” he glanced up at the Bagura flag above them. “Just before we ran into you, actually.”

“Oh?” Spadamon raised an eyebrow. “In that energy storm?”

“Yeah.” Shoutmon nodded.

“And you saw something in it relating to Sparrow?” Spadamon raised the other eyebrow.

“Yup.” He looked kind of embarrassed at that. “Something I’d rather try to forget, considering…”

Spadamon’s eyebrows lowered dangerously. “I’m not sure I’m liking where you’re going with that, considering that, despite not being all that close, I still think of her like my sister.”

“Look, just forget it, alright?” Shoutmon’s hands made frantic “sweep it off the board” motions. “And don’t mention it to Taiki or Nene or Akari or…”

“Okay, Dude!” Spadamon shook his head out. “I get the point, and I don’t want to know! Really!”

Oh, and see? I just said what Spadamon said before he said it. Dang it.

Akari stared at Shoutmon as he tried to keep Spadamon’s freaked out reaction from drawing TOO much attention to themselves. Just what had that Dragon asked? She narrowed her eyes and puffed out her cheeks in annoyance.

“Don’t worry about it.” Tailmon said as she pressed herself close to the de-aged girl’s leg, trying to keep warm despite the cold. “It’s gotta do with what he saw in the void, didn’t say what he saw though.”

“Really?” Akari looked down at the cat. “What did you see?”

“Me in the human world.” Tailmon purred. “Years ago, though. I saw a calendar on the wall.” she looked up. “So what did you see?”

“Me?” Akari scratched the tip of her nose. “Nothing, really…”

“C’mon. Don’t lie…” The cat gave a sly look at the girl. “A cat can tell these things.”

“It really was nothing.” Akari said. “It was just some dark and empty hallways that smelled like they belonged in a kitchen.”

“A Kitchen?” Tailmon looked up at the girl, eyes widening. “Seriously?”

“What?” Akari frowned.

“We’re in Sweets Zone.” The cat spelled it out. “Home to a murderous CHEF.” Her eyes narrowed. “Everything about this place is FOOD: times Ten!”

Akari froze in her tracks. “Oh.”

Tailmon has accompanied them for some reason- also giving hints that she was once Human!!

And now Akari’s vision comes about again! Hah. Thank’s past-past me! Past me had completely forgotten about this.

After a few more minutes of walking, the distant drum of “Foot. Foot. Foot foot foot.” could be heard louder, and approaching fast.

“Get ready everyone.” Taiki said as he tensed up for a fight. “Sounds like a patrol’s coming.”

Indeed, within moments, a massive Army of yellow teddy bears came marching into view from all directions.

“Foot. Foot. Foot foot STOP.” They chimed in as they came to a stop, completely surrounding all of Xros Heart.



“Um, Taiki?” Cutemon shuddered from atop Dorulumon’s back. “Are these Monzaemon for sure?”

The goggle boy shrugged as Spadamon replied. “Yeah, these are Monzaemon.” he took a step forward. “Oi! Teddybears! We wish to speak to your commander!”

The bears murmured among themselves for a moment before a few parted ways to reveal another Monzaemon, obviously their leader due to his fancy hat, eye-patch, and curly-cue mustache. “Yeeeesss?” he said in a high pitched, German accent.

“We are the Cross Mixers!” Zenjirou stepped forward. “We are the Digital World’s number one chef’s personal army of cooking masters!”

“Is dat so?” The commander asked in a… low pitched Russian accent?

“Yes!” Zenjirou said with a nod. “We heard your Senior commander, Matadormon, was looking for the best Chefs in all of the Digital World, and so our leader has come to prove that we are the best Cooking team of them all!”

“Funny.” The Commander began in a well-to-do Mexican accent. “I’ve never heard of any “Cross Mixers” before now.”

Two things here- CommanderMonzaemon is a SHAMELESS PARODY of all kinds of Military commanders. He never speaks in the same accent two lines in a row! And that is the joke.

Also, Xros Heart probably came up with this ploy while they were marching– that, or they just made it up on the spot.

“Then you’ve never tasted the beautiful concoctions of the lovely, and talented…!” quite a few people suddenly struck a pose at Zenjirou’s cue, pointing straight at one person… “Miss Akari!”

“eh!” the girl blinked. “Me?”

The commander raised his one good eyebrow before speaking in a gruff, down-town New-York accent. “Ah yes. I recognize you now.” he bowed, switching to what would be a very proper and polite French as he did so. “Please! Welcome to Sweets Zone’s sovereign state! We hope you enjoy your stay, sea view play!” …If it weren’t obvious he’d never even spoken French before in his entire life until this moment.

Dorulumon sighed. “good grief.”

Good Grief indeed… They really must have rehearsed this or something….But Akari really seems out of it. Visually, with her hair and clothes fine and normal in the scene before, as a sight gag, Akari’s reaction to this decision has her hair tussled up and sticking out in odd places, and her clothes slightly off kilter and looking rather disheveled.

Also. Sea View Play is my poor attempt at writing French and then, upon failing, deciding that the rather poorly done spelling of it would be the joke of the French Accent for this line.

As the “Cross Mixers” were lead into the central building’s main gates, two forms quietly sneaked past the distracted guards and across the main plaza, using elite ninja training to do so undetected, before entering the main entrance to the ‘sub basement’/dungeon/cellar.

These two forms?

Sally and Nene.

“So…” Nene began, barely above a whisper, as they worked their way down the stairs. “What do you think about Taiki?”

“Eh?” The green haired girl’s blue eyes blinked, staring at her friend. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…” Nene smirked. “You sneaked away in Sand Zone just to go help him, didn’t you?”

“N-Nene!” Sally stuttered. “We are not talking about this Now!”

Nene, too, is acting on the vision she saw in Shinobi Zone. Sally catches on immediately and DOES NOT want to play along.

“I’m just asking!” The host to the Denizen of Life giggled to herself. “I mean, there’s no other way you made it to Heaven Zone unless you were deliberately following him.”

COUGH time storms COUGH COUGH.

“What did I just say about not talking about this!” the Digi-Girl asked, exasperated. “We’re on a MISSION here, Nene!”

Nene put on her best “Trolling” Face. “Well, I’m sure you’re not curious to know about what I saw in the void.”

“No! I’m not!” Sally huffed and began jogging down the surprisingly long stair case, skipping steps as she did so.

“Fine, be that way.” Nene rolled her eyes, then brought up her Xros Loader (which had been reset to it’s default, un-claimed condition and had been reclaimed, recoloring it to a light lavender color, only just slightly pinker than the default coloring). “Reload.” She said quietly.

A moment later, the little green box called Monimon reloaded in her arms, a bright smile on it’s face. “nene-chan!” it giggled. “nene-chan!”

Nene hugged it, smiling brightly. “I’m glad somethings never change.” she said, mostly to herself.

Nene’s Xros Loader (Black when we saw it a few scenes ago) is now reset and is LAVENDER. It was fixed off screen, and, unlike canon, is met with little fanfare. The Monimon is reloaded just to show that it is ACTUALLY working now, and that Nene’s Digimon have been put back inside. This is mainly just because the canon anime seemed to FORGET about little Monimon by this point.

Xros Heart were lead into what appeared to be a giant version of an Iron Chef Battle Kitchen Arena.

And by giant?

I mean that it would look NORMAL Sized if there were giants like Millenniumnmon and Omegamon manning the stations.

“Puh-leaze.” The Monzaemon commander turned to leave, now speaking in a fakey-fake Indian accent. “Wai-to here.”

…At least I HOPE he’s trying to speak Indian.

That didn’t sound like Indian to me. What about you?

…No comment, past me.

Sigh… Moving on.

Yes, agreed.

“This place is huge.” Akari gulped. “I wonder what it’s used for…”

Meanwhile, Sollux, one of the red colored Monitamon, reloaded from Zenjirou’s Xros Loader. “A reborp from Nene-sama.” he sniffed. “bluh. ‘tupid alerges.”

“What’s up?” Taiki asked.

The Monitamon’s monitor flickered briefly with static before it changed to an incoming transmission from Nene.

“Taiki.” She appeared to be holding the camera source out in front of her face. “Sparrowmon and I have infiltrated the dungeon staircase, but we’re still climbing down and, from what Spadamon’s told us about this place, it’s going to take a while to find the prisoners.”

“We’ll stall along as we can.” Shoutmon said. “But we can’t promise anything beyond a half an hour right now.”

“Understood.”and with that, Nene cut the transmission.

A Quick scene with Sollux here, and Nene reports to them, using the Monimon as a Camera! So that’s why she reloaded the little one! XP

Sollux then quickly re-entered the Xros Loader as the Commander of the Monzaemon returned to the room from behind the massive curtain on the other side of the room.

“‘Ello Again!’ he spoke in a Romanian accent this time. “The leader of this Food empire has said that he already has the number one chef in the entire Digital World.”

“And who’s that!” Lila called out. “Huh? Got an answer for us, buddy!”

“I AM!”came a loud, rumbling, (and did I mention LOUD?) voice as a bulky form exited behind the curtain behind Monzaemon.

Everyone paled at the sight.

“I am WaruMonzaemon!” The darkened version of the teddy bear was wearing a chef’s apron and hat. “And I am the Digital World’s TOP IRON CHEF!”He pointed his claw-tipped hand towards them. “Who are you to dare challenge me as the number one?”

Kotemon gulped from inside Zenjirou’s Xros Loader. “Oh boy!”

“What?” Zenjirou whispered to the Digivice.

“WaruMonzaemon is Matadormon’s personal chef! The jerk is so self centered that he doesn’t even do his own cooking! We may have stirred up the hornet’s nest here…” Kotemon grumbled.

WaruMonzaemon appears- and so the Iorn Chef shout out gets cemented in our minds. Yeah, this probably would be a bit more dramatic in Japan. I’m not sure how well known Iron Chef here is in the US.

Shoutmon took a step forward. “We challenge you, you big oaf! Akari is the number one chef in all of the Zones we have visited! You, who we have never even heard of, dare claim to be number one!” He growled. “OBJECTION! You shoud bow before us!”

WaruMonzaemon growled, clenching his fists… Even Commander Monzaemon took a step backwards. “Uh oh!” He cried out in his German accent again.

“You…” WaruMonzaemon growled. “I’ll…!”

“OI!” Came a new voice as a figure stepped up behind the curtain. He didn’t step out from behind it however, and all you could see was his shadow being cast through it’s surface. “Now now! No need for violence!”

“That’s Matadormon!”Kotemon gulped.

“Please.” Matadormon said. “We can settle this like civilized Chefs.” Even behind the curtain, you could see him grin. “I Suggest a challenge of Sweets. Which ever team makes a dessert that I prefer over the other wins the title of “Top Chef.” Sound fair?”

This visual joke with seeing the grin is having your basic drop-shadow suddenly have a crescent shape of non-shadow appear where the mouth would be.

“Yes!” Was the unanimous agreement from Xros Heart. WaruMonzaemon frowned.

“Good.” Matadormon said. “You have fifteen minutes to gather and prepare your ingredients.” A door lifted up on the other side of the room. “Once you do, you have one hour to prepare a truly original dessert!”

“Wait.” WaruMonzaemon did a double take. “What!”

“BEGIN!” Matadormon threw a napkin out from behind the curtain, signalling the beginning of the match.

Before WaruMonzaemon could even realize what was going on, Xros Heart was already rushing through the door for ingredients.

“You’d better hurry.” Matadormon whispered in the Bear’s ear. “I’m getting hungry.”

“Y-YES SIR!” And with that, the Iron Chef ran for the door, meanwhile, his team of assistants, all Pink colored Monzaemon with blue aprons, prepared their cooking station.

One hour seems generous- but keep in mind that this is including BAKE TIME. Cakes take around half an hour to bake, give or take ten minutes— also, funnily enough, the KITCHEN STADIUM is giant sized even for the Monzaemon.

“We’ve bought you an hour.” Taiki said over the monita-relay. “Is that enough time?”

“Good enough.” Nene smiled as they reached the bottom of the stair case. “We’re at the bottom now.”

“Alright.” Taiki nodded. “Over and out.”The image vanished, and Monimon’s face reappeared on her body. “Yay! We’ve got a mission!” she sang.

Sally sighed. “This is a stealth mission. So what happened to the ‘stealth’ part?”

“It’s fine.” Nene said as she returned the Monimon to her Xros Loader. “I Don’t think there are any guards down here at all.”

“Kinda dumb when you think about it.” Sally said with a frown. “But I guess they figured even if the chefs managed to escape here that they wouldn’t be able to get out of the main building undetected.” Nene nodded. “So what now?”

“We walk.” Nene said as she started down a random direction. “The more well maintained paths are bound to be the right ones.”

“I guess so.” Sally nodded before starting after the girl.

More Monimon fluff. She is just precious, isn’t she? :33

After a few moments of silence, Nene began. “So about Taiki…”

“Oh Would You Drop It Already!” Sally growled, punctuating each and every word with a capital letter.

“I’m just curious.” Nene said, putting her “Troll” Face back on. “I mean, if you didn’t like him so much, you wouldn’t be so defensive about it right now, now would you?”

The Digi-Girl glared daggers at the Denizen’s host.

“So Taiki…” Zenjirou elbowed the goggle-boy in the right arm as they wandered down a massive isle of ingredients. And when I say Massive, I mean in that the food was in fitting proportion to the cookery outside.

“Yes?” Taiki asked, looking over towards the newly minted General.

“What do you think about Sparrow-chan?” Zenjirou asked.

“Yeah!” Lila wedged the General in on the other side, wrapping her arms around his left one. “Tell us!”

Taiki blinked. “Um…What?”

And so begins the ‘set up’ scene.

“You put them up to what!” Spadamon asked, glaring daggers at Shoutmon.

“Well, you weren’t going to give me any info about Sparrowmon, so I decided to see what Taiki’s feelings toward her are.” Shoutmon said as he examined a massive pile of Grapes. “So I asked them to see what he thought.”

“Why!” Spadamon asked.

“Just found the eggs!” Akari’s voice cut over the Wristers. “We’re looking for Bananas now! Ba-Nan-Nas!”

“‘Cause…” Shoutmon dropped the grape pack and started scowering around for the yellow fruit. “How the hell am I suppose to relive a vision of them kissing each other like there was no tomorrow when they aren’t even dating yet?”

Spadamon’s mouth formed an “O”, somewhat like a fish, as he tried to find the words to describe how he was reacting to that.

I think Shoutmon saw two different visions, actually. Both of them involving Taiki and Sally kissing…because this description doesn’t fit the later scene I wrote up….I guess that makes sense?

“Nene.” Sally began. “Just drop it.”

“Why what ever do you mean?” Nene asked, feigning ignorance.

“You’re trying to figure out if I’m attracted to Taiki.” Sally said flatly. “I’m not into any of that romance garbage. Period. Not with a guy, and especially not with any girl.”

Nene simply “la-la-la”ed a tune as she skipped down the hallway.

“OI!” Sally took after her. “Are you even listening to me!”

“Yes. I am.” Nene smiled. “But you’re avoiding the question.”

“What do I think of her?” Taiki asked. “Well…She’s nice…”

“Yeah?” Lila asked, leaning in. “And…?”

“And…?” Taiki asked back, confused. “She’s helped us out a lot against Bagura since we met up…”

“Yeah! Sure!” Zenjirou said, leaning in as well. “NO denying that!” he grinned. “But what do you think about her!”

“You’re playing a dangerous game here!” Spadamon said. “Sparrow’s not the kind of girl to focus on the frivolous stuff when there’s a job to be done. She’ll put her own life in danger as long as it gets someone else put in a better place!”

“Yeah, I saw that.” Shoutmon said as he quickly examined a pile of oranges. “her clothes were all torn up like they’d been through an explosion in the vision.”

Nene is teasing Sally like any good friend would! And Taiki has no clue what’s going on, though I suspect Hephaestus might have an idea.

Also, yup- Shoutmon’s seen TWO visions. Dang it past me. BE CONSISTENT.

“Sure, Taiki’s a cute guy, but then there’s the whole denizen thing…” Sally quickly added “NO offense or anything! But it’s kinda creepy having two people in the same body.”

“I’m sure that can be all sorted out once we defeat Bagura.” Nene said. “They’ll all probably leave us like they were supposed to and you won’t have to worry about Hephaestus spying on you while you-”

“NENE!” Sally growled. “I am NOT Talking about this!”

“I guess she’s kind of cute…” Taiki mused.

“Only ‘Kind Of’, Taiki?” Hephaestus asked. “Really?”

“Eh?” The boy blinked. “What?”

“Come on, admit it!” The Denizen poked and prodded. “You think she’s hot!”

“Come on, Admit it!” Nene poked her friend in the shoulder. “You think he’s hot!”

“I DO NOT!” The girl growled. “And I am VERY SWIFTLY IGNORING the lame pun you were trying to set up with his whole ‘fire theme’ thing!”

“It’s not ignoring it if you comment on it!” Nene said in a sing-song voice.

And now HEPHAESTUS is in on the ribbing Taiki’s receiving from Zenji and Lila. Sally is trying to take no part in this conversation.

“I…Uh…” Taiki fidgeted. With Lila and Zenjirou on either side of him, and Hephaestus even getting in on the nagging now… He wasn’t sure how to respond to this. “What?”

Zenjirou grinned. “Haha! Looks like someone’s got a crush!”

“A crus-shu! A crus-shu!” Lila sang.

“I Swear.” Spadamon shook his head at the Dragon digimon. “if you somehow make things worse for them…”

“How can I when it’s already been pre-determined?” Shoutmon grinned. “And I didn’t even tell Zenjirou and Lila EXACTLY what I saw. Even if they spill it all to Taiki, he won’t be able to rig things up so that it only looks like what I saw in the first place.”

Zenjirou and Lila- despite avoiding their own emotions for the better part of this entire first arc- are GLEEFULLY teasing Taiki here about his feelings. Hypocritical of them, yes, but I believe this itself is one of the needed pushes they need to get over it come the one year time skip to their appearance in CH60. (Don’t know what I mean? Don’t highlight the white text.) They’re Married by Digital World Law.

“Can we please not talk about this?” Sally was staring at the floor now, finding a rock at her feet more interesting than her friend’s face.

“I’ll only drop it if you agree to ask him out on a date once this is all over!” Nene poked the girl in the shoulder.

“Can we please not talk about this right now?” Taiki asked, glancing between the two excitable persons who were now singing between themselves. “We’re on a time limit here?”

“Oh, alright. We’ll drop it.” Lila said, grinning.

“But only if you agree to ask her out once we’ve beaten Bagura!” Zenjirou added.

“Okay. Fine.” Taiki said as he smirked slightly. “But I’ll only agree if you two go out with us.”

The duo froze as the tables were turned with Taiki’s next few, carefully chosen words: “Double. Date.”

“Fine.” Sally huffed as she crossed her arms. “But I’ll only accept THAT if you and Kiriha agree to go on a date with us!”

Nene froze. “Eh?”

“Oh don’t give me that.” Sally smirked slightly. “I know you and Kiriha already got stripped down together back in Dust Zone. It’s not like you haven’t seen it all already.”

A furious blush formed on the embarrassed girl’s face, which grew even more as Monimon reloaded on top of her head.

“Nene-chan’s embarrassed!” the little Monitor sang. “Nene-chan’s embarrassed!”

Despite their teasing, Taiki and Sally manage to TURN THE TABLES on their would-be teasers- thus ending the conversations here.

“It’s called ‘faking out time’, Jaspers my friend.” Shoutmon grinned.

“Spadamon, please.” Spadamon replied. “Just Spadamon.”

“But really.” Shoutmon shrugged. “Now that I’ve set things in motion, all I’ve gotta do is sit back and wait!”

Wizardmon, who was currently making sure everything on their side of the giant Kitchen was in working order, turned around suddenly as Lunamon gasped. “What’s wrong?”

“I felt a great disturbance in the force…” The Moon rabbit said, looking around fitfully. “As if half a dozen voices cried out in horror at some cruel, hideous, practical joke played upon them by the cosmos and weren’t even silenced…!”

Tailmon giggled. “Someones been hitting the catnip a wee-bit too hard, methinks.”

“Either that, or she’s watched Star Wars one too many times.” Wizardmon shrugged.

Who am I kidding- you all caught the Star Wars shout out the moment Lunamon finished her sentence.

Problem-Sleuth and the Red Pickmon were the ones to stumble upon the Banana stash.

“Oooh! So these are bananas!” The Chessmon grinned as he began devouring the insides of one.

…Thanks in part to WaruMonzaemon.

“Yes.” the evil chef bear said, barely concealing his evil smirk. “Just keep preparing the skins like that, and you’ll be just fine!”

“MANK MOU MEBBY BUCH, BUR!” Red Pickmon said through a mouthful of banana.

“Oh it was my pleasure.”

Unlike in canon where SHOUTMON and BALLISTAMON- who REALLY SHOULD KNOW BETTER– it’s Problem Chessmon and the Red Pickmon who eat the bananas.

And their stupidity is completely justified with their previous characterization.

If you’ve grown accustomed to reading all of this seemingly random nonsense, and haven’t forgotten what exactly went down at the end of Dust Zone’s final battle that set all of this in motion, then by now the sight of a young girl, Akari, ordering those taller than her, but not older than, would be a fairly uninteresting unusual sight on a television screen, had this been the actual Xros Wars series instead of some crazy Alternate Universe.

What was going on at this exact moment was that Akari was directing her team-mates around the kitchen as they prepared ingredients for what they were baking- A Giant loaf of Banana bread.

Yes. I’m really trying to bash this extremely meta brick into people’s heads here- but not so much THEM as it was reminding MYSELF for Akari’s later fight against WaruMonzaemon.

“Where’s the mixer?” Akari asked into her wrister, looking around.

“It’s not here!” Zenjirou replied from the other side of the counter.

“We never had one, as far as I know.” Wizardmon said with a shrug.

“They have one though!” Lopmon growled, pointing at the Monzaemon team. “How come they get one and we didn’t?”

“The last Iron Chef battle resulted in the competitor falling into the mixer…While it was running.” Matadormon said nonchalantly from across the room, somehow hearing Lopmon’s comment despite not being close enough for normal hearing. “We’ve had it removed for cleaning, but massive mixers take a long time to clean!”

“Well that’s just great.” Shoutmon grumbled as he crossed his arms. “Where the hell are we going to get a giant mixer on short notice?” it was at that moment that he and Taiki caught each other’s eyes, and, with sly grins breaking out on each of their faces, they turned towards Dorulumon.

“Oh No.” The wolf frowned.

Matadormon is COMPLETELY SERIOUS, by the way. And it wasn’t even an act of sabotage. The competitor literally just fell into the mixer while it was running. *shudder*

Accidents happen.


“DORULUMON!” Taiki ordered, holding out his Xros Loader. “STARMONZ!”

“I hate you so much right now.” Dorulumon said flatly.

“Please, brother! Reconsider!” Starmon gulped.

“NOOO!” The Pickmons cried out in horror.


And instead of the usual “NAME-MON!” shout- Everyone is PROTESTING THIS DIGI-XROS!!

When the light faded, Dorulumon’s tail had been equiped with the LOL-Dorulu-copter blades, only this time folded at such an angle as to form a single mixer blade. Dorulumon sighed as Cutemon and Spadamon began coating the metal beater with butter with barely restrained giggles. “There goes the last of my pride.”

“Aw, relax, sensei!” Cutemon smiled brightly. “I think it’s awesome!”

Spadamon laughed. “Oh man, I am so going to write home to mom about this when this stupid war is over!”

Jaspers has a LOT to write home to once it’s all over. She probably thinks he’s—wait. Didn’t I later write that Spadamon was an Orphan? FUUUU—-

“Gee. Thanks.” The wolf sighed again.

“That’s better.” Akari smiled as she looked around, then huffed in annoyance. “Has anyone seen the PawnChessmon and RedPickmon? And we still don’t have any bananas!”

“We’ll go find them!” Shoutmon said, grabbing Taiki by the arm before dragging the boy off.

“Oi! You’d Better run!” Dorulumon yelled at them. “I thought we had an agreement about this particular Xros!”

“Sorry Sorry!” Taiki waved as he was dragged off.

“An agreement?” Lopmon asked, raising an eyebrow.

“What agreement?” Cutemon asked as well.

“Uhhh…” The Wolf looked around nervously as Revolomon began laughing like an idiot. “Nevermind.”

Dorulumon talked himself into a corner. And it is HILARIOUS.

Come on, admit it, you got a chuckle out of that.

“Oi, Taiki.” Shoutmon began as they wandered down the halls. “Before you explode at me, let me explain something.”

“Why would I explode?” Taiki asked.

“‘Cause I asked Zenjirou and Lila to pry on you?” Shoutmon offered.

“You…?” the boy stopped walking.

“Now let me explain.” Shoutmon said as he turned around. “You remember how just before we ran into Spadamon we were all seeing things?”

“Yeah.” Taiki said with a nod.

“Well, I saw something and I just needed to confirm something about it.” Shoutmon turned around again. “Anyways, with everything that’s been going on anymore, I just figured…I couldn’t ask directly without tipping my hand, ya know?”

Yeah, he knows.” Hephaestus preempted the boy. “We saw something too. Not sure what to make of it, really.”

“Really?” Shoutmon asked.

“Wanna trade?” The Denizen offered.

Shoutmon frowned. “Nah. No thanks.” he laughed nervously. “Foreknowledge is a dangerous thing.”

“True that.”

“Foreknowledge is a dangerous thing.” — This is an ARC PHRASE for the over-all time-travel theme that’s become apparent in the later parts of the story from this point onward.

“Anyways, I just needed to get that off my chest…” Shoutmon continued. “Can’t go keeping secrets while we’re wandering across the Digital World, now can we?”

“Nope.” Taiki agreed. “It’d make things rather hard to-”

They both stopped as a loud groan came from nearby.

“What was that?” Taiki asked.

“Sounds like our two missing members to me…” Shoutmon sighed. “Come on, let’s go find them.”

A minute later, Taiki and Shoutmon stared at the sight before them with horror:

Two severely bloated digimon lying in a pile of giant banana peels.

“What.” Shoutmon said flatly.

“We got ’em all prepared for ya…!” Problem Chessmon gave a thumbs up.

“Blurghhle…” The red pickmon…somehow having managed to eat ten of the giant bananas…rolled by.

“What.” Taiki said flatly.

“This is enough peels…right?” The chessmon asked. “Urgh…I don’t think we could prepare another one even if we wanted to…”

The red Pickmon… yeeesh, dude, how could such a tiny guy get so big?

“What.” Hephaestus said flatly.

Triple FlatWhat.

“YOU DID WHAT!” Akari practically exploded at Taiki’s Xros Loader.

“We ate all the insides, just like WaruMonzaemon said to!” The Chessmon was crying. “We didn’t know that was the wrong way to prepare them! We’re sorryyy!”

“That cheating bastard.” Shoutmon growled. “So now what do we do? We don’t have any bananas!”

(“oh yes, we have no bananas, We have no bananas todayyy!” Lila sanb to herself.)


“THIRTY-TWO MINUTES!”Matadormon called out.

“And we’re running short on time!” Zenjirou added. “Whatever we bake will take at least half an hour with what we have left to mix up!”

For a few moments, they all stood there thinking…

“Sweet Potatoes.” Lunamon said suddenly.

“Huh?” Akari turned to face the bunny.

“My mom used to make Sweet-Potato cakes!” Lunamon said. “It won’t be that hard to change the recipe! We just need to add some flour and a another egg to the mix!”

“I saw some sweet potatoes when we were looking before.” Taiki started. “I can go back and get them!”

“Go!” Akari ordered. “Get as many as you can carry!”

“Right!” Taiki jumped off the ledge and summoned his jet wings to soar off towards the food alleyway.

Akari turned to Lunamon and Spadamon. “Get the recipe changed! We’ll need it ready as soon as possible!”

“I’ll whisk in the eggs in!” Spadamon said as he drew his sword.

“Cutemon!” Akari turned to the digimon. “Take Lopmon and get the oven pre-heated!”

“Yosh!” both bunnies saluted before running off.

“Zenjirou!” Akari turned next. “Get read to chop potatoes like you’ve never chopped before!”

“Can do!” The Kendo master saluted before running off to find the Starmonz Brigade, who had wandered off to wash off the butter that they had been greased with.

“Let’s make sure this thing get’s done!” Akari clenched her fists.

Imagine it for the poor Starmonz. Becoming an EGG MIXER is about TEN TIMES WORSE than being a HELICOPTER.

A minute later, Taiki was back, carrying two whole large Sweet-Potatoes with his smack-hands transformation.

“That’s going to have to work!” Lunamon confirmed. “We’ll just have to use a smaller baking dish!”

“CHORD CRUSHER!” Zenjirou soon went to work chopping and peeling the potatoes with single swipes almost immediately.

“Akari! Bad news!” Lopmon ran up.

“What is it?” The girl asked.

“Wizardmon couldn’t get the oven working earlier, and we’ve only just figured out why!” Lopmon continued. “The oven’s power cord was cut somehow!”

Matadormon chimed in from across the room. “That’s the unfortunate result of the mixer-blender incident, I’m afraid! With their captain…disposed by the Mixer, their second in command jumped into the blender when it was set to… Pulverize.” he seemed to shudder. “The whole device couldn’t handle the load and it exploded! I suppose the oven’s power cord was an unfortunate casualty. Someone make a note to fix that!”

Everyone shuddered at the event’s retelling, even the Monzaemon team on the other side of the kitchen.

(One of the fluffy pink bears even started crying, yelling “WHY! Why Kagarien-Chan! WHY DID YOU DO IIIIITTTT?” as she ran off to the nearest rest room while sobbing uncontrollably.)

Again- this was NOT sabotage at all.

Matadormon is being 100% truthful here.


Hell, NORMAL kitchens are dangerous!! But a GIANT one????????

Moving right along as if it didn’t even happen. “Cutemon says he can get it working when we’re ready to bake, but we’ll be cutting it close!” Lopmon finished.

“We’ll roll with it!” Akari said, pointing to the roof. “Even if we have to destroy this entire kitchen with the raging fires of Xros Five Knight Burst Mode’s Finishing attack, we WILL bake our Potatoe Cake!”

As if putting icing on the cake, A Pucchiemon quietly dropped an orange version of Starmon’s shades onto the girl’s nose.

The sight seemed to intimidate the Monzaemon team, causing another one to run off crying, yelling “OH KAMINA-SAMA! PLEASE FORGIVE MEEEE!”

…Nobody paid any attention to him, however. Not even his team-mates.

This is subtle foreshadowing- not a shout out.

Well, the Kamina thing maybe–



“POTATOES CHOPPED!” Zenjirou and Lila chimed in.

“Throw ’em in!” Akari ordered.

“OUR PLEASURE!” Hephaestus roared as he summoned the smack-hands again, picked up the bowl full of chopped potatoes, and quite literally threw them into the Cake mix.

“NOW, DORULUMON!” Lunamon signaled.

“DORULU TORNADO!”The whirlwind of an attack slammed into the cake mix, swirling everything together into the air and then downwards into the baking pan.

That done, Ballistamon, making his first appearance this episode, took the bowl and lugged it over to the un-powered oven. “N’Gah!” he said after throwing the pan in but before he slammed the door shut.

“Everyone!” Cutemon said. “I’m going to have to sing!”

Dorulumon paled. “Oh no.”

“What’s wrong with his singing?” Terezie the Pawn Chessmon asked.

“You’ll see…” Dorulumon quickly jumped into Taiki’s Xros Loader.

“HARMONIC SYMPHONY!”Cutemon called out one of his rarely used attacks.

…Moments later, as Cutemon began singing some song I can’t be bothered to find lyrics for in a very, very, high-pitched voice.

So high in fact, that you couldn’t hear anything beyond a single high pitched tone coming out of the bunny’s mouth.

That’s why I can’t be bothered to find the lyrics. You wouldn’t have been able to even hear them anyways.

Nope, not being lazy what so ever.

Cutemon does NOT sing. This is why he RAPS, later/earlier on in Karaoke Zone.

Everyone covered their ears at the sound.

And I mean EVERYONE.

Every living soul within Sweets Zone covered their ears, or wished they could.

But, miraculously, the oven turned on and, strangely, began glowing with green energy.

The Potato Cake inside began glowing as well…

After what seemed like an eternity to them, only a few seconds to you readers, and what was actually around twenty-eight minutes of real time sound manipulation…





Cutemon is baking with SPIRAL POWER- and it still takes TWENTY EIGHT MINUTES.

The oven’s timer “DING”ed, and Cutemon stopped singing and fell to his hands an knees, panting at the exhaustion.

“ow…” he said, his voice hoarse. “someone remind me never to do that again?”

Ballistamon quickly pulled the giant cake out of the oven, and everyone stared at it…

The cake was burnt.



It had grown while inside the oven into a giant drill like shape, obviously in honor of Dorulumon’s drill, before it had gotten burnt, and, therefore, would retain it’s shape even after being cut into.

His is the Drill that will pierce the OVEN!

…Wait. No. That just sounds like something out of an X-Rated Doujin.

Matadormon had the two Desserts brought before him, and had each team stand underneath giant hammers, suspended from the ceiling.

“Whichever of us looses gets squashed flat.” WaruMonzaemon explained. “And the remaining team becomes top chef.”

“Explain your dish, WaruMonzaemon.” Matadormon said.

“It is a triple tier Chocolate Cake!” the Demonic Monzaemon exclaimed very loudly. “It has Strawberries, Oranges, Blueberries, AND PINEAPPLEEEEE!” he held the E for a good three to four seconds. “All mixed into it and on the outside is a delicious chocolate-coconut frostingggg!”

Matadormon had a slice cut from the Chocolate Cake and had it brought before him, where he quietly sampled it’s flavor.

WaruMonzaemon gave a evil smile at Xros Heart. “Good luck beating that, loosers.”

“Cross Beaters.” Matadormon called out after a few minutes. “Explain your…interesting looking dish!”

“This is our Sweet-Potato Cake.” Akari explained. “We were going to make Banana bread instead, but we couldn’t find any bananas that were ripe enough!” she sighed. “But we made due, and we apologize for the odd shape and it’s burnt-ness. The oven wasn’t working properly, and we had to, again, make due.”

“Yes…” Matadormon shook his head behind his curtain. “Quite an ordeal that one.”

A slice was cut from the drill…


y U so redicUloUs?


The door to the cage holding the poor prisoner chefs inside fell down to the ground with a thunderous crack.

“Not bad.” The jet-girl smirked as the chefs began cheering at their new-found freedom. “They didn’t even flinch!”

Sparrowmon didn’t even need to subdue the Troopmon guards- Cutemon’s sonic attack literally knocked them all out due their helmet’s internal radios.

A whole ten minutes had passed… And WaruMonzaemon seemed even more confident. “You guys are gonna die!” he grinned.

…Only a moment later for the giant rubber mallets above the Monzaemon team to fall and lightly “PAP” them all on the head with a “SOOSH!”ing woosh of air.

“OW! WHat the!” WaruMonzaemon gasped in surprise.

“This Sweet Potato Cake is simply divine!” Matadormon said as he stepped out from behind the curtain. “I had to eat more and more and more!”

Needless to say, Xros Heart stared at the ‘mon.

He wore an outlandish outfit- Red, baggy, poof-ey pants with some mark over the legs, tied up around his waist with a green scarf…thing. His feet were strapped to shovel like shoes, and he wore a blue vest over pink sleeves…VERY big and VERY wide, that seemed to only barely conceal his five sharp bladed fingers on each hand. Topping him all off was his strangely shaped arrow-like helmet that had…very spiky orange hair reaching out for a good foot and a quarter!

“It’s simply fabulous!” Matadormon continued. “The crunchy exterior hides a soft, moist interior that is simply overflowing with energy! Why! I feel like I could dance All! Night! Long!” he began swaying to imaginary music. “La-de-dah, la-de-dah…”

….Matadormon is taking some cues from Leron (Gurren Lagann)….

Spiral does some crazy shit to your think pan, man.

Cutemon paled. “Ah…I guess That’s what happens when I cook food with my powers…”

Lopmon stared at him. “Ya think?”

“Someone remind me never to do that again.” The bunny said. “This is kinda creepy!”

“But-but!’ WaruMonzaemon protested. “What about my dish!”

“You’ve made me nothing but chocolate cakes!” Matadormon growled, pointing a finger at the teddy bear. “I’m sick and tired of chocolate cake from you! NO originality at ALL!”

“Sir!” The Commander Monzaemon gasped, speaking in plain and ordinary Japanese. “Surely you can’t mean that!”

“And yoooou!” Matadormon turned the finger towards him next. “You are nothing but a disgrace with your ever-changing voices! Choose an accent and STICK TO IT!”

Matadormon calls Monzaemon Commander out on his accent flipping.

I’m not sure whether to punch him, or thank him.

“What did we put in that cake again?” Spadamon leaned over and whispered to Lunamon, who was staring at the sight with wide eyes.

“Yes!” Matadormon continued. “I have decided that you all shall not do at all! Not one bit!” he pointed directly at the Monzaemon team. “You all are here-by banished to the Giga-Break project, and Cross Beaters shall be my new number one personal cooking team!”

Every Monzaemon gasped, crying out “WHAT!” at the exact same time.

“NO!” WaruMonzaemon growled. “I shall not let it end like this!”

“Oh?” Matadormon asked, raising an unseen eyebrow. “And how shall you end it then?”

“BY DESTROYING XROS HEART!” WaruMonzaemon growled as he began glowing, and…

Apparently WaruMonzaemon is better at seeing through NONEXISTENT PAPER THIN DISGUISES than Matadormon.

Oh, is he really doing the absorbing thing? Didn’t the Bagura Generals drop that shtick a while ago? Like, since Jungle Zone?


Well. Really. Those Monzaemon don’t look too happy about it..

“SIR! PLEASE RECONSIDERRR!” The Commander Monzaemon cried out in a terrified dialect of Swahiili as he was absorbed into the mix.


Even to the end, Commander Monzaemon did not give up his verbal typing quirk.

When the light show faded, WaruMonzaemon had grown to match the size of the Kitchen stadium, and now had a pizza cutter wheel for his right hand while his left hand had transformed into a giant Spork.

Yes. I just said “Spork.”

Get over it.

“Now…NOW!” Pizza-WaruMonzaemon cried out in a firmly Italian accent. “You all shall DIE!”

Pizza is Italian- and so PizzaWaruMonzaemon takes on an Italian accent.

There was no other logic to it than that.

Akari narrowed her eyes at the pain the bear had just caused by absorbing all those other Monzaemon. “You Jerk!”

*cue Kougeki Kaishi*

There was a blinding surge of golden light surrounding Akari exactly at that moment.

Shoutmon jumped back in surprise. “What the hell!”

Wizardmon just laughed and grinned. “Akari! Say “Mode Change” now!”

“MODE CHANGE!” the girl cried out, and, within the blinding aurora of light, you could see her form grow taller from the child like state back into her more teen-aged form. “You’re just a sore loser, you know that, right?” Akari growled as she swung her Mic-stand out, pointing it directly at the Giant Monzaemon as her Jacket reformed around her shoulders with a “pop.” Somehow, those Orange shades were back on her face, now fused to her funny little V hat with a hinge.

Yes, Akari’s Hat now has the Gurren Shades permanently attached to them.

As if it couldn’t get any fancier.

“GRRRR…” WaruMonzaemon growled.

“Shoutmon!” the girl threw her Xros Loader over to the dragon. “Xros Four Now!”

“Yokay!” Shoutmon grinned slightly as he caught the device and spun it around quickly within his hand. “AKARI!”he called out.

“KICKIN’ IT!” The girl called back.

IDK why, but I love that she’s yelling “Kicking it!” as her call sign.


A moment later, the Star Blade was leveled at Monzaemon as Akari called out triumphantly. “XROS UP! XROS FOUR!”

Despite the helmet, all those inside the Xros smirked.

Pizza-WaruMonzaemon roared and jumped forward. “PIZZA CUTTER!”he swung his pizza cutter arm, revving the blade up like a chainsaw.

With one hand gripping the sword, Xros Four brought up the Star Blade and blocked the saw. “Can’t abscond bro!” Starmon quiped as, not a moment later, Xros Four’s free arm came from below and socked the over-stuffed teddy bear in the gut, sending the mad chef backwards.

“SPORKY BARD!”Pizza-WaruMonzaemon threw his Spork-arm forward, and, although Xros Four blocked the attack, it wasn’t one that would cause very much damage due to the blunt ends.

This is a pun on “Spoony Bard…”

With a Spork.

Also, CANT ABSCOND BRO. Homestuck shout out- not TTGL.

However, the attack was an concussion attack, causing an explosion right then and there in the Kitchen.

The Battle continued, however, despite the smoke that filled the air and obscured everyone’e eyesight.





Soon, A resound “CRACK” was heard, and then the smoke began floating out through a newly made doorway in the far wall.

The battle had moved outside.

“PIZZA CUTTER!” Pizza-WaruMonzaemon swung his saw cutter down, which Xros Four blocked with ease. “FORK OF DOOM!” the Spork Arm had transformed into a Fork Arm now, having lost the spoon like properties with the Sporky Bard attack. Xros Four quickly broke off the first block to catch the fork between the prongs, but this left them open to the renewed Pizza Cutter!

“AKARI!” Shoutmon growled as the Digi-Xros was put on the defensive. “Damn it! Xros Four’s sword just isn’t enough!”

“Use me then!” Spadamon said as Xros Four jumped away from a combo attack. “Xros Me in and I’ll use my weapon form!”

“What?” Shoutmon blinked. “What Weapon form?”

“Didn’t Sparrow tell you?” Spadamon said. “They gave me the ability to turn into a lance!”

“You can do what now?” Shoutmon blinked.

“Just roll with it!” Spadamon began glowing blue. “Trust me on this! It’ll work!”

Spadamon volunteers to fight here- for another Soul Eater shout out of a sort.

Shoutmon sighed, but looked up at the battle. “Well, then…” He brought up the Xros Loader. “Why the hell not?”


“XROS FOUR!” Shoutmon ordered.

“Y’okay!” The Digi-xrossed form jumped into the air, backflipping over WaruMonzaemon as they transformed into a beam of red energy.

“SPADAMON!” Shoutmon continued.

“Let’s go!” The bear warrior jumped up into the sky as well, turning into a blue beam of energy.



The two beams of energy began swirling together in the air, before slamming together in a massive explosion of light.


When the light show faded, Xros Four came crashing down towards Pizza-WaruMonzaemon, now equipped with a massive lance on their left hand, with a mainly silver body but having a blue guard around the hand-wrist area, making it look slightly like Spadamon’s helmet armor. “SOUL RESONANCE! XROS FOUR SPEAR!”

This is the last time WE ARE XROS HEART will play as the victory theme for the Code Crown arc.

As such, we play the Lyrics!

Stand up my friend!

“What the!” WaurMonzaemon gasped as he nearly dodged being pierced by the spear.

It’s unstoppable, this BURNING SOUL!

“You just can’t take loosing well, can you?” Akari asked the bear. “You cheated by telling our friends to eat the bananas we needed by making them think it was the right way to prepare it!”

No boundaries can stop us,

“So what if I did?” WaruMonzaemon growled. “Matadormon should have known better than to let you guys win! I won’t take humiliation like this!”

You’re not alone.

“Quick!” Spadamon said, not just from within the Xros, but also somehow from his own face reflecting off of the spear’s surface. “I have a lightning attack!”

My Bond with my friends is my trump card!

“Gotcha!” Akari grinned. “RESONANCE…!” Xros Four S raised the lance above their head, and summoned a massive burst of static energy down from the cloudy sky. When the silver metal was glowing with a bright white energy, they lowered it down and pushed forward as hard and as fast as they could. “CASCADE!”

This attack is used by OMEGASHOUTMON later on- with a different effect.

This was simply me re-using attack names without realizing it.

I’ll burn up this life of mine and RO-A-RRRR!

Pizza-WaruMonzaemon was the one on the offensive now, leaping backwards to prevent being hit by the spear. “W-What are you!”

Now let’s fuse together as one into a Great Xros!

“We’re the scourge of all evil in the universe!” the Digi-Xros roared. “And we’re going to kick your ass!”

Pizza-WaruMonzaemon gasped as he had to furiously block not only the Spear attack, but also the now renewed sword strikes- With the Star Blade now glowing with the same white energy.


Give me everyone’s exploding shouts!

DOUBLE XROS RESONANCE CASCADE!” Xros Four S brought both sword and spear down in a synchronized move- First stabbing WaruMonzaemon with the spear, and then slashing into his torso with the Star Blade.

This is a play off of Shoutmon De-Xros’s Double Xros Justfang attack, if I recall correctly.

Now lets be born with fangs of tomorrow into a Great Heart!

Warumonzaemon let loose a cry of pain as pure electricity coursed through his body from two sources, often arcing between the two sources and straight through his poor, weak little Digi-Core.

Oh! Hit ’em with all we’ve got and rise up!

The Teddy bear exploded into data almost immediately.


Matadormon was nowhere to be found when Xros Heart searched the building, apparently the sneaky little bastard had planned on using WaruMonzaemon’s outraged reaction to sneak away during the heat of battle.

“Well, what now?” Shoutmon asked as they looked around the destroyed kitchen.

“Well…” Taiki said as he looked around. “We wait for Nene and Sparrowmon to get back.”

“I’m sensing an ‘and’ in there.” Shoutmon crossed his arms.

“Then we descend into the lower parts of the Zone.” Taiki narrowed his eyes. “Find out what this “Gigi-Break” Project is, then we go to the next Zone.”

Taiki lays it out as it is.

About thirty minutes later, Nene and Sally emerged from the dungeon, leading all of the chefs (identified by their tall, poofey hats and crisp, white aprons) out.

“Taiki.” Sally gave a curt nod to the boy.

“Sally.” he nodded back.

Nene smiled sweetly at the two of them. “Oh get a room already.”

Shoutmon choked on the soda he had been drinking, Zenjirou nearly tripped over the still slightly bloated Red Pickmon, and Lila dropped the bag of flour she had been holding.

Sally just glared at the girl while Taiki blinked. “Neneeee…” She growled dangerously.

Heh. Get a room. I actually did as Shoutmon did- except with out the soda- when I read that line just now.

Meanwhile, one of the chefs, a Cronamon, approached Cutemon. “Hey, you’re a Cutemon right?”

“Yeah.” he nodded.

“Your given name wouldn’t happen to be Simon would it?” the Cronamon asked.

Everyone looked over in surprise as Cutemon cried out, very loudly, “You met my parents!”

The Cronamon nodded. “Yeah. They shared a cell with me briefly before Matadormon had them transferred away again.” he frowned. “They really hoped I’d never find you, really.”

“W…Why?” Cutemon asked, eyes wide and starting to brim up with tears.

“Because then they couldn’t be sure if you would be safe or not.” The Cronamon said. “They said Tactimon had them reserved for some special Project and that you shouldn’t look for them if I ever met you. They don’t want you getting hurt.”

“But…But…” Cutemon sniffed.

“Oi!” Lopmon hopped over, fists clenched, eyes narrowed. “There isn’t anywhere else that’s safer in the Digital World than with us! And we promised him that if we ever got a lead on his parents, that we’d…!”

“Hey slow down a minute!” Cronamon flinched away, holding his hands out to keep his distance from the bunny girl. “I was just relaying what they wanted me to say! But I know where they are and how to get to them!”

“You do?” Lopmon asked.

“Yeah!” Cronamon said, nodding. “They weren’t transferred out of this Zone! Just sent down to work on that weird project Matadormon had running!”

“They’re still here?” Cutemon asked.

“YES!” Cronamon nodded, then took off his hat and began searching through it. “Here…!” he pulled out what appeared to be a miniature drill head attached to a looped string out of the hat. “I managed to pickpocket this off of one of the Troopmon when they came for your parents! I think it’s some sort of key!”

“A drill?” Lopmon took the key-drill-thing. “What the…?”

“It’s like Dorulumon’s!” Cutemon gasped. “But it’s rougher! too many grooves!”

“It IS a Key!” Lopmon grinned. “And I know just where the key-hole is!”

Cutemon’s given name is revealed to be “Simon” just before he is given a CORE DRILL KEY.

LAND’S SAKE’S ALIVE! We’re cooking with Petrol-ized Shoutouts NOW!




“They’re just Raremon!”

“Oley! Prepare to die, Xros Heart!”




“Next time: DIGIMON XROS WARS: GALAXY XROS! Cutemon’s family rescue!

“You think THAT will stop Giga-Breakdramon? You fools!”

“We won’t turn our backs on anyone!”

Welp. Time for the Karaoke Zone ending, but before I go there, I wanna finish up on this ending bit here.

Coronamon is the later seen Death General Appolomon– THIS IS NEVER CONFIRMED IN STORY, however!

Coronamon *ALSO* is a plant of Lilithmon’s! He didn’t sneak the Key from anyone! He’s had it to begin with! This too is ALSO never confirmed in story!

It just simply *NEVER* had the chance to come out in story– maybe if Bright Land’s arc followed out more along the lines of how I originally planned it, but as it stands…

This is part of why I ended up making this commentary live blog.

It’s the little facts.


Clubs Deuce was not having a good night by a long shot. That was what he was thinking as his eyes opened to see the street swaying below him.

Well, being a part of the Midnight Crew had it’s advantages and disadvantages. One of the advantages was having to sleep all day and wake up with the setting of the sun. No-bossy people to boss you around at the dead of night.

A Disadvantage was thus:

Being a mobster tended to leave you hanging some times.

Quite literally in Deuce’s case, he was tied up to a wrecking ball hook that was hanging from a crane…Oh, and Konata the Togemogumon was tied up right next to him too.

“About time you woke up!” The girl said with a smile. “We’re almost back to the bar!”

“Whu…?” Deuce’s eyes snapped fully open as his brain caught up to where he was. “What the!”

“Sorry to leave you hanging like this, Deuce!” Spades Slick called from the crane’s cockpit. “But we’re delivering an ultimatum, and two prisoners is more convincing than one!”

“We’ll let ya down once we have the Code Crown, okay?” Droog called up from the hood of the crane. “Just sit back and relax for now!”

“HOW CAN I RELAX WHEN I’M HANGING TEN FEET IN! THE! AIR!” Deuce yelled down at them.

“And what makes you think they even have the Code Crown anyways?” Konata threw in. “I’ve been singing there for years and I’ve never gotten the thing!”

“They’re Xros Heart.” Boxcars said nonchalantly. “They’ve been beating Bagura at every corner for over a month now. If they haven’t gotten it by now…”

Back to Karaoke- Deuce and Konata are having a trial over fire here. The Midnight Crew has pretty much told Deuce that he’s not welcome for what he’s done along side them.

“How the hell have we NOT gotten this Code Crown by now?” Shoutmon asked as he drank down some ice cold water.

“You’ve got me.” Wizardmon said as he stirred his coffee. “I’ve never been much of a singer.”

“Oi..” Shoutmon looked up at Astamon. “Got any clue?”

“Not really.” The bartender shrugged. “The Code Crowns are picky things.”

“Meh…” Shoutmon sighed. “If only there were somebody to fight, the Code Crowns usually show up after we give Bagura a good smack down.”

Almost as soon as he said that, the entire building shook as an explosion occurred outside.


“Who are ‘the Felt’?” Wizardmon asked.

“The other Local gang that’s been giving us trouble.” Kazemon said as she and Wizemon returned to the main bar room. “

And so THE FELT make their appearance!

Oh, and where were Kazemon and Wisemon you ask? Well… They were “Chatting” in the back room.

Again, I point you to that universe where this is that previously mentioned Doujin.

*Cue Kougeki Kaishi*



The red-painted Tankmon smirked as the two attacks brushed off of his armor, which had bright yellow “11”s painted in random spots. “You’ll have to do better than that to defeat ol’ Matchsticks!”

“damn!’ Dorulumon growled.

“What’s this guy’s armor made out of?” Beelzebmon asked.

“RELOAD!”Kiriha roared.

A moment later, Gureimon and MailBirdramon entered the fray.


The Witchmon in a black suit with a matching wide brimmed hat laughed as she danced around the flames. “You think fire will melt this Snowman?” The 8 on her hat glimmered in the light. “Think again!”

“PLASMA CANNON!”MailBirdramon targeted the Witch, but balked in surprise as a Mecurymon absorbed the attack in his mirrors instead.

“The name’s Quarterz.” The Mecurymon said in a gruff, New-York accent, as a “14” reflected briefly on his mirrors. “And you’re outta luck!”

The attack bounced back towards the mechanical bird with a dark twist from the shady looking mirrors.

“Uh oh.” MailBirdramon froze up.

“HEAVY SPEAKER!”A barrage of sound waves rushed forward towards the man with a cue ball over his head.

The man simply brushed the dirt off of his white suit once the dust settled. “Hmf.” He said in that same British accent. “You think that’s going to affect me? Simple sound waves?”

Matchsticks, Snowman, Quarterz (with a Z instead of an S because of DIGIQUARTZ foreshadowing), and the suave speaking PROFESSOR SCRATCH are the Felt Representatives here.

“Now then.” The cue-ball man said as he adjusted his suit collar. “My name is Professor Scratch, I lead the Felt, these fine associates around me.” Even though you couldn’t see it, you could practically hear him smirking. “I’ve heard you’ve gone and collected this Zone’s Code Crown. Now, I can’t go letting perfectly good strangers go and take the object I’ve worked so hard to find, so…” you could just IMAGINE his eyes narrowing. “Hand it over.”

“We don’t have it you dummies!” Lopmon swung into action. “BLAZING ICE!”

The attack bounced off of the cue ball head and into the air. “Nonsense. You’re Xros Heart!”

“Damn…” Akari frowned. “Sometimes our reputation gets a bit too big, I think…”

Good ol’ Scratch here actually thinks that Xros Heart HAS the Code Crown! This time, your omniscience is failing you, Scratch.

There was a blinding flash of light, and then… “SHOUTMON: XROS FIVE!”…emerged onto the battlefield.

This… Actually made the Felt members there look up in shock.

Literally, they had to look up.

Xros Five was soaring up high into the sky, straight for the airspace, already gunning for their signature move…

The AirSpace Shattered, allowing Xros Five to gather up the energy of the sub-space for said signature move, named thus-ly:


And then, they descended.

Matchsticks, the Tankmon, and Quarterz, the Mecurymon, were the unfortunate targets, due to their happening to stand next to eachother.

The resulting explosion threw data into the air, not just from the broken parking lot, but also from the two Digimon hit with the attack.

The Witchmon, “Snowman,” yelped and began running away, leaving this “Scratch” fellow alone to face Xros Five.

“Oh…” Even though he had a giant cue ball over his head, the shock was apparent on his face as he looked up at Xros Five, now towering over him with the Star Blade ready to slice and dice. “My.”

“Feelin’ lucky, punk?” Shoutmon asked, eyes narrow.


Yup. Shoutmon just asked Scratch if he was feeling lucky, and ALSO called him a punk!!

HEH. I wrote this part sometime during the SCRATCH INTERMISSION of ACT5ACT2 of Homestuck. I was kind of working my anger out on him through this. Anyways. Now to get to work on Chapter59. WHEE.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s